Communication in Your Marriage
Stacie Watts, MS, LMFT
We’ve all heard that marriages take work, but sometimes we
neglect to really take that message to heart. People claim they are too busy to spend the time needed to really work on their marriage. Too many other things seem to get in the way. However, when couples do not stop and take the necessary time needed to work on their relationship, things can easily start to go astray. Communication is vital for any successful marriage. Communication is the life-blood of any human relationship and it plays an especially important role in marriage. No one enjoys mind reading, but it is staggering the number of people who ask their spouse to do just that. Many times asking your partner to mind read can be done without even thinking about what you are doing. However, there are other times when this act is very purposeful. Your spouse may not guess or assume correctly what you might be thinking and you find yourself becoming upset and growing resentful because surely your spouse should know what you are thinking. Really, when we stop and think about this it is an interesting phenomenon that we ask that our spouses be able to read our minds.
What company would be successful if the boss never gave instructions, deadlines, or details and instead only hoped the company would flourish through mind reading? What travel guide would be successful if they never gave directions or information about detours, but instead hoped his clients would arrive safely and on time by reading his mind? What patient goes to the doctor and just sits on the table and stares at the doctor without indicating why they have made an appointment?
All of these examples are extreme and ridiculous, but to some degree, we are asking our spouses to perform under the same type of circumstances. We expect that our spouses should know what we think, feel, and understand without ever opening our mouths to offer explanation. When there is a disconnect in communication many marriages start to feel the tensions mount.
Try to head these tensions off by having purposeful conversation with your spouse. Make time for your relationship. If necessary, circle a date on the calendar for time with your spouse. Do whatever you can to stick to the date that you’ve chosen together. Safe guard this time and hold it as important and valuable. Do not let the day-to-day chores of life get in the way of this important time together. Start talking with your spouse. Start telling them what you are thinking, do not assume they already know.
Remember this day only happens once in your life. Don’t let it pass you by, do something! Start communicating more in your marriage … your relationship will reap the benefits and rewards for many years to come.
If you would like to learn more about growing communication in your
marriage or work towards resolution in other areas of concern,
contact the Counseling Center at 838-9388 or by email at swatts@riverlawn.org
You can also find more information online at www.riverlawn.org