Take Care of What’s Yours …
Stacie Watts, MS, LMFT
Admiring another’s grass might inspire you to make yours as beautiful and lush … however, admiring too much can lead to pursuing or lusting after another’s grass. This pursuing and lusting will only lead to one thing … a dead lawn for you. If you do not tend to what is yours, you will surely have weeds, dead spots, and a lack luster lawn before you know it.
Do you stay close to home or do you hang around the fence lusting after others and their grass? The further you move away from your home, the more likely it is that you will be drawn into what is not yours to admire and adore. The further you move away, the further you will be from making improvements in your own lawn.
Too often couple’s experience problems in their marriage because one partner has taken an outside interest in something or someone else besides their marriage and their partner. Something has drawn them in and away. I have used the idea of a lawn because it is an easy
illustration to understand.
Just like your marriage, if your lawn is not tended to, it will die. When your own grass (marriage) is not being tended to … lawns (other people) around you start to look better, prettier, healthier, and more exciting. Before long you have nothing but weeds.
I am not insinuating that the dissolution of a marriage is by one partner only; however, I am saying that at some point the partners did not feel like they could speak to one another in an open, honest, and respectful manner that may have lead to resolution of the problem. (This can take shape in many different forms. One example: He wants to talk, but she does not). Or, the exact opposite happened, emotions were shared and now one or both partners feel totally overwhelmed within their relationship.
Perhaps there has been a loss of love, trust and respect within the marriage. No matter how it happened, the issue still remains that there is a dead lawn in front of you while you’ve been busy pinning away for another. The grass and the marriage are still salvable if you want it to be. Christ must be an ever-present partner in the marriage. Ask Him to once again bless your marriage. Ask Him to come back into your hearts.
Lusting after someone or something else can only lead to temptation which then leads to mistrust and unfaithfulness. It does not have to involve a physical act; just the mere idea that your heart and mind are lusting after another can cause problems to arise within your marriage.
I know the old adage of the “grass is always greener on the other side”; well, that is not necessarily the truth. People present what they want others to see. For example, your co-workers are not showing you all of their ’uglies’ and chances are you are not showing yours. When you are admiring another’s grass, chances are you aren’t discussing work, bills, children, school programs, dinner plans, etc. That is what makes it seem more appealing, more green. But, that is because it isn’t life. It’s just what it is … two people trying to put up their best front in order to look more appealing to the other.
Take some time to make your own marriage beautiful. Take stock of what you have and what you want your marriage to be. Your grass may not look as good as the Jones’s, but I wonder if the Jones’s think their lawn looks as good as yours? It is all a matter of perspective. It is all in what you make of it. When you find a weed, pull it. When you think you’ve found something more spectacular, pray for self-control. God has blessed you with a helpmate, a gardener if you will. Take them by the hand and get to work on making your marriage what you want.