Self-Injury Revisited

Stacie Watts, MS, LMFT

Since my last article on self-injury, I have received several phone calls, emails, and have spoken with clients in regards to the concerns they have about their son or daughter’s self-injurious behaviors. I felt this was an important topic to revisit for those who may have missed the first article or for those who question whether their child is demonstrating such
behaviors.

It is important to understand that this behavior is a maladaptive coping mechanism that your child is using to help deal with the anxiety and depression they are dealing with. Many who self-injure state they feel like they are two persons. One is the cutter and the other is the person who has to walk around covering up the scars the cutter gets to enjoy. When doing these self-injurious behaviors the person will disassociate from themselves to the point where they are able to cut, burn, bruise, etc without feeling any pain. Those who self-harm will tell you that they do not feel pain and instead they may feel calm or nothing at all. They feel as though they are finally in control over their body, thoughts, feelings, and emotions.

People will self-harm for many different reasons. For many it is to regain some sort of control. Others will say it is because they are punishing themselves or someone else. No matter the cause it is important to learn what triggers these reactions and why the person continues to self-injure. Each person has a different story and a different reason for why they self-harm. Many will say their scars tell a story and some will self-injure themselves in the same location over and over again; never allowing the scar to fully heal.

 Self-injury does not have to become the only way someone deals with their emotions; however, after someone has started this behavior it is important to visit with a professional who can help them deal with their emotions and learn new and healthier ways of coping with their life stressors. It is important to embrace your child and to never use the self-injury as a reason to punish your child or to make them feel ashamed.

Those who self-harm will say that they feel guilty and embarrassed about their behavior; however, once left alone to their own vices it becomes too difficult to deal with their pain in any other fashion. For example, a cutter will give up control to the razor blade and will no longer be able to control when or why they cut. Some will state that self-injurious behavior is so addicting they find themselves feigning for it just as they would a drug. Once the self-injurious behavior has taken hold, many times they will look for any reason or excuse to self-harm. For example, perhaps they read a book or saw a movie and someone self-harmed and then they felt like they needed to.

It is important for parents to monitor without hovering and to discipline without bringing more shame to their child. Self-injurious behavior causes shame and embarrassment and if they continue to feel ashamed they may not want to reach out for help.

If you are concerned your child might be struggling with self-injurious behaviors, it is important that you speak with a professional who has
experience dealing with self-injury.

If you would like to make an appointment or if you have any questions you can contact me at: 838-9388 or by email at: swatts@riverlawn.org

Resource Corner:

http://www.aboutourkids.org/aboutour/letter/novdec01.pdf

The Scared Soul : T. Alderman

Women Who Hurt Themselves : D. Miller

http://www.crpsib.com/whatissi.asp#IsSelfInjuryAddictive